Fun In The Staff Room
by l'automne
Summary: Written for the Third Floor Corridor Challenge 3. There's NEVER a dull moment in Hogwart's staff room!
1. McGonagall

**DISCLAIMERL: I'm JK Rowling... But only in my dreams :)**

**I'm feeling lazy, so I'll cut the chase and give you the story :)**

Minerva McGonagall prided herself on being a highly respected, and sophisticated member of the Hogwart's staff. However, much of her time was spent in the Staff Room, for the simple fact that it was _always _entertaining. It was something of a guilty pleasure for her, something that the students certainly never knew about.

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"Well, we need _something_!" Said a heavily cloaked, though still quite short, figure. A second figure moved from the shadows, this one long and thin.

"Well I know _that_. He drawled. The only question is... what?" He finished, raising his hands in surrender. The first figure let his hood drop to reveal Fillius Flitwick, the Charms professor.

"We could do something to Minerva..." He said with an evil glint in his eye. The second figure's hood suddenly dropped, revealing one Albus Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

"What do you suggest?" He asked with raised brows. The short Charms teacher quickly climbed up his stack of telephone books to whisper his plan in the headmaster's ear. As he did this, a long, thin, peach-coloured string slowly wiggled it's way across the floor. Albus and Fillius broke away from each other, oblivious to the string, a boyish glint in both their eyes.

"That's brilliant!" Exclaimed the headmaster. "But my only question is, would Snape agree?" The peach coloured strings slowly crept back as a third figure stepped from the shadows.

"He most certainly does."

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Severus bent over his hot potion, carefully spooning his creation into a crystal vial.

"I hope this works." He muttered quietly as he jammed a cork into the top. Hiding the vial in his robes, he swept off in search of Dumbledore.

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Minerva strode into the Staff Room quickly in anticipation. Upon arrival Pomona Sprout swept upon her... as usual.

"Would you care for some pumpkin juice, Minerva?" She asked softly. Minerva smiled.

"Of course." She replied, accepting the glass that the Herbology teacher had extended to her. Accepting it, she took a rather large sip.

"Wait a second..." She said worriedly. "This isn't pumpkin juice..." She began as Dumbledore began to chuckle behind his hand. "You are _so _going to pay." She said scathingly as the potion took quick effect, and Minerva McGonagall began to do what could only be classified as...

A tap dance. Yes, at that moment Minerva McGonagall, one of Hogwart's most respected teachers, was performing a tap dance. The entire staff of Hogwart's was taken over by uncontrollable laughter as her performance ended, and she snapped out of the trance.

"You... are so dead." She said as she sent glares in the direction of Albus Dumbledore, Fillius Flitwick, and Severus Snape. Quickly catching on, the did the only thing they could do...

They ran.for their lives.

**And there we have it. Will they survive? I don't know :)**

**Remember to REVIEW!!!!  
Thanks for Reading!  
xmarauderxforeverx**


	2. Snape

**Although it was meant to be a one-shot, I have decided to continue to write this story in a kind of series-like format, though each chapter will be a one-shot of it's own! I was inspired to do this by my great friend Lola who happened upon this story while searching fanfiction, and said it was the most hilariously crappy story she had ever read. I took this as a strange form of support, and have decided to continue the strangeness. However, I will simply be writing this when I'm feeling particularly random, so as to ensure a fully hilarious reading.**

**Disclaimer: If I told you I were JK Rowling, I would have those mean men in black after me, so I figured I'd just give up while I'm ahead and admit that I'm not.**

**I dedicate this chapter to you, Lola.**

**Please forgive me, I have NEVER been able to re-create Hagrid's accent... Fleur's sure... Hagrid's though... it's pretty sketchy**

Severus Snape wandered the Potion's Corridor, narrowly avoiding stumbling over his billowing cloak. Scowling, he cursed the blasted thing. It was good for intimidation, but it was hardly practical.

Continuing his prowl, he pulled back a tapestry to reveal a couple immersed in activities he would rather not discuss.

"40 points from Gryffindor." He said simply in disgust, ignoring the fact that they were both Ravenclaws. Hall Patrol sucked, he decided as he sauntered into the staff room, his shift blissfully over.

Entering the room, he waved off Ponoma Sprout as she offered him an ice-cold glass of pumpkin juice, and Minerva McGonagall as she scowled at him for his involvement in the previous week's entertainment. Advancing with caution, he sat on the most uncomfortable armchair in the room-his armchair. Shifting his eyes suspiciously around the room, he glared at the occupants. Tomorrow was 'Amusement Day' as they had come to call it, and he was determined not too be that amusement. Scowling, he watched as Dumbledore (the insufferable fool) entered the room, his eyes twinkling maddeningly.

"Why Hello Severus." He greeted, sitting on his squishy armchair that he had conveniently located to the left of Snape's.

"Hello Sir." He greeted as warmly as was possible by the 'Greasy Dungeons Bat.' Dumbledore grinned.

"Why glad to see you show so much enthusiasm." He said sincerely, smiling warmly. Snape scowled, the look coming naturally to him. "Now, Severus, you _must _stop with the scowling!" Dumbledore scolded the Potions Master. "It'll give you lines!" He said joyfully, sitting back in his chair. Snape's scowl grew deeper as a strange form of rebellion. Standing quickly, he decided to finish the short conversation.

"I must be going, Albus." He drawled, straightening his cloak. "I have children to scare." He joked sourly as he walked out of the staffroom, cloak billowing. As he shut the portrait hole, however his cloak became stuck between the Staff Room and the corridor. Cursing the billowing robes, he detached them from the hole, and began to saunter down the long hall, deeply grateful that nobody was there to witness his moment of weakness. Little did he know what the conversation was in the Staff Room.

SOMEWHERE ELSE...

"So it's 'greed then?" Hagrid questioned after the occupants of the room finished laughing after the senario involving Snape's cloak and the portrait hole. "Snape's going 'ter be the nex' victim?" He finished warmly, taking in a sip from the small bucket he was using as a tea cup.

"Yes, it is." McGonagall replied stiffly with a small glint in her eye. "I need to get him back for his participation in last week." She concluded, nodding her head. The staff room agreed, this could be her turn.

"So what should we do?" Questioned Professor Vector, furrowing his greying eyebrows. McGonagall gave a smirk that appeared quite foreign on her Gryffindor face.

"Oh I have the perfect plan." She concluded, tapping her long fingers together at the tips.

THE NEXT DAY

Snape entered the Staff Room snappily, waving off the insufferable Hufflepuff Head of House as she offered him pumpkin juice. Before he could take another step he heard a very familiar voice speak.

"Diffingo!" Shouted the voice of Minerva McGonagall clearly as Snape felt a large, blistering feeling take over his body. As the strange sensation stopped, he looked down to find himself transfigured into a bat.

Sneering, a feat for a bat, the 'Greasy Dungeons Bat' flew away to his dungeons to plot the demise of every single staff member of Hogwarts.

**And that's about it. Hope it was as hilariously funny as the first one, I wouldn't want to disappoint ;)**

**So bring on the flames,**

**xmarauderxforeverx**


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